you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
