apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
