Sry I called you an 8
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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