I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
