what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
