You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
