whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
