Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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