So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
