i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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