All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
