So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
