After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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