Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
