I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She needs sedatives and a leash
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
