Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
