weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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