My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
