Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
