Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
