the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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