just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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