yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone shattered a urinal.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
