i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
