NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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