My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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