You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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