Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
