i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
