hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
