so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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