nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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