he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
