no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
