I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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