i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We left the knife in your bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize