I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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