I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's rum buckets o'clock
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We need to get me chipped asap
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
