Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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