didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize