I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
