Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
