so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
