I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
