Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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