so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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