ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
