Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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