im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
