i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
