Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
