shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
