Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
