My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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