All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
