if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
