i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize