You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
