I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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