I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my shit smells like andre
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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