I think scott just propositioned me for sex
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
