Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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