i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
