Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
