Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
These tits shall not be calmed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
