people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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