I just saw a hot homeless man
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
