at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
