glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why are your pants in the freezer?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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