she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pants are for mortals
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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