this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
