i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize