so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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